Letter To My St. Clare's Classmates # 1

I am going to attempt to rewrite what I composed last night before this site has an outage. On the last day of our being together, I was very sad about it all coming to an end. It was Graduation Day 1976. I can still recall seeing some groups of you having what could resemble conversation amid our parents scrambling us to get seated in Church. On this day though, I was feeling very lonely and very disconnected from you all as I know that you were getting concerned with how brittle I had become. Bill R. and I had been having an ongoing major fallout with other during the whole school year, I was going through mood swings and I knew the end was coming and I wasn't comfortable about it. When we all got done with the ceremony, that was it. I never got a last goodbye from anybody. I just left and went home to a new turntable and a pair of DWD speakers that were hand me downs from my brothers and dove into the new Rolling Stones album that just got released. It was the first post-Mick Taylor Era album-Black and Blue.
So who was this guy who walked among you for 6 years (Fall '68-Spring '70, Fall '72-Graduation '76)? Why was he like he was? In order for you to know, I need to take you back to a time before we ever got to know each other either at St. Clare's or at Hamann where a few of us went to Kindergarten.
What I am about to describe to you is something that has been a recurring theme throughout my life. It comes back to me frequently in thought. It is something I've brought up to God and to people I've known. It has a symbolic importance to me that I can't put a full value or estimation on. It just is.
I don't know where the place was. Even my Mom doesn't recall where this place was. She does recall that I went to more than one Nursery School. I believe that this particular Nursery School was a very large house. I did not spend a whole year there. I only spent a small portion of time there. All I know is that I don't believe that I ever spoke to anybody there. I never got to know any kids. I believe that my hearing impairment was preventing me from being very social. I also had a really close bond going with my Mom because of all of the heart problems I had. This particular experience that I am describing to you has to have taken place in early 1967. It is one of my earliest and most vivid memories that has stayed with me.
Another day at the school was rapidly coming to a close. I had been slowly walking around and killing time. There was a group of kids sitting outside in the patio area and they were seated in a semi-circle. I decided to join them. As we were sitting there, I was observing the sun as it was starting to set. I'm sitting there and I don't believe any of these kids had ever heard me utter a word before at all. We were all pretty silent. There might have been one or two words mumbled among the group, but there was essentially quiet. All of a sudden, I just blurted it out out of nowhere. It's just that I really felt it from deep within myself when I said it. I said, "Please Sun, don't go down yet." The kids heard me very clearly and they all looked at me a little bit. And then we just sat there. As time went on, kids were getting plucked out one by one by the arrival of their parents coming to take them home. Eventually, I was one of them as well.
This moment in time has remained with me. Over the years, I have said this very thing. I am still saying it now. So, if you classmates have ever wondered why my being with you holds so much reverence to me, it's because I need your company and because I didn't want to sun to go down.
During the Summer of 1974, I got reminded of this event when Elton John released "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" from off of the Caribou album. I also think of it when I listen to Bessie Smith sing the line in "St. Louis Blues" "I hate to see that evening sun go down".
I was emotional around you people because I didn't want the light of my days and my hope to disappear. I am writing in this blog for the same reason.
I just want to let you know that I'm going to cover a lot of ground. I also want to let you know that this is going to be a challenge for me as well. But I want to get it out. I love and miss all of you so much. When I speak of these different events, please know that I'm not doing this to hurt you in any way. I will take breaks from this type of writing directly to you and talk about other things. I have a lot to say to a lot of people. There are people who were not a part of our group that should know. I want them to know more about me. So, there you have it. This is my first letter to you. You are welcome to send one to me. If you want me to cover something that you are curious about, let me know.